How Dare I Show Up Like That!

It’s three o’clock in the morning, and I slide out of bed after only four hours of sleep. I quietly get ready in the dark, and then I sneak out of the house before anyone in my family is even awake. I hit that road to work, and I spend the next ten hours giving 100%, all of my energy, into my job. That day, just like I did every single day.

At the end of those ten hours, I’m now faced with that long commute home. And that is where the self-talk starts. Why the hell would my boss give me that extra project when he knows I’m already so busy? How come none of my co-workers are traveling as much as I am? And why can’t Matt possibly understand all of the pressure that I’m under?  

I arrive home with this wicked combination of anger and jealousy and drunken tiredness. It’s no wonder that by the time I walk in the house, my family is on high alert. Like which mom, which wife is walking in today? Is it the one who might be kind of happy, or the raging lunatic that’s about to set fire on us? It’s the raging lunatic, over and over again, screaming about dishes and socks in the middle of the family room floor.

After 13 months I realized, here I am showing up at work, giving everything I’ve got; a smile on my face, my positive energy, my collaboration, my willingness to help.

Yet how dare I show up to my home, to my loved ones, to the people who are most invested in my life, and I should be most invested in their life. How dare I show up in the way that I was.  

It took me 13 months, plus some healing time, for me to recognize that it was my responsibility. I had to stop placing that blame during that self-talk in the car, thinking it was everybody else’s fault. When the reality was, it was my situation; my choice, my decisions that got me there. And I couldn’t wait around for big organizational changes, or major things to happen at my house. I had to take hold and make those shifts and make those adjustments – change my attitude in the car, change how I was sleeping or approaching projects at work. It was up to me. Nobody else could make that decision, nobody else could make that change except for me.  

How are you showing up? How dare you show up to the people that are in your life without that same energy and dedication and lovingness that you’re giving to other people. Today, I’m going to challenge you. What can you do today for you to take control, to start changing that mindset, that energy, so that by the time you arrive to your loved ones, you’re giving them your best self? What are your strategies on how you can show up in a positive way to your loved ones? I want to hear from you, comment below.

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